Part of me debated writing anything about this for a while.. I was ashamed wanting to keep any knowledge of this completely private. But decided we go through experiences good or bad for a reason, and sometimes they can help someone else if only we would share right or wrong; whether it goes with the opinions of the majority or the few.
To the man that took away my sense of security, you did not win.. and you will not. You took what you wanted from me and I was powerless to stop you. I wasn’t strong enough to fight you off or get away from you. You enjoyed your night of taking what you wanted and the next day moved on with your life. You spend 3 months getting close to me and investing time into me… all for what? At the end of the day when I said no you took what you wanted anyways. But you won’t win.. The doctors and the police may have said there wasn’t enough evidence when I finally worked up the courage to get looked at, but you still do not win because you can never take away my voice.
To the man that thinks he did nothing wrong by taking what he wanted without permission. Everyday I get up, and my feet hit the ground to start a new day with the knowledge that my heart will go on. Everyday I move forward with the knowledge that what happened has made me stronger. You may have taken my sense of security but it won’t last. One day I will lay down at night and not be scared, I will sleep without nightmares of what you took from me. ON that day you will not have won. On the day that a man loves me with the knowledge that you took something so precious from me but loves me anyways you will most certainly have not won. Even if that is not my future ON the day that a girl hears these words and realizes she is stronger than she knows you will not have won.
At night when I go to sleep I may have nightmares of that night, and I may be scared when I am alone that it could happen again. I may be scared that you will pop back up in my life without warning just because you think you can, or because you deserve and explanation for why after 3 months I never spoke to you again, after what you said was “the best night of your life and a glimpse at our future.” I may be scared to let someone close to my heart or to even let someone touch me for fear it might hurt… But one day whether soon or months off.. I can promise you this
I will wake up and you will be a distant memory of what was, but what will not happen again. You showed me the signs that I have to look for now, but most of all because of you I have learned how to get back up when I have been knocked down, how to stand tall, and how to take on each new day with a new strength. A strength that constantly adapts to what didn’t work the day before. I wake up each day with the knowledge that it was not my fault.. no means no.. I may have to deal with emotional scars but lucky for me scars heal. One day that scar will heal but it will not be a reminder of the pain.. rather a reminder of who I am and who I have become. A reminder that I have the ability to forgive and that the lesson of forgiveness is something that can never be taken. A woman who will not let you control my life even after you were not in it, a woman who would not let fear stand in the way of taking a new step each and every day. A woman that looks in the mirror and does not see someone that was broken, or a woman that much was taken from, a woman ashamed and embarrassed about what happened. Rather a woman that has the strength to move forward, that knows that you have no control, and that your issues and your short comings are not mine, and I did not cause them. A woman that knows that I did not ask for happened but that it did happen. Though it is not okay in any possible sense for something like this to happen to someone, but that I know I have the ability to change the aftermath.
So.. to the man that thinks he took what he wanted from me.. you didn’t because I am growing stronger everyday.
To any female that knows what I am talking about.. know that no matter what your head tells you.. It is not your fault.. you are still beautiful. To the girl that closes her eyes at night and all you see is what happened… it will get better. You are strong enough to overcome it and you will! Let those that love you be there for you and don’t be ashamed. You never know the power of loving helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on until you try.
Lastly, to the people that say that women do this to themselves they put themselves in these situations and bring it upon themselves… be careful..
Because you never know if the woman you are talking to.. or a woman in earshot distance of you is struggling with the thought that it could possibly be her fault. She wasn’t drunk.. she wasn’t out with someone she didn’t know.. she didn’t just pick them up at bar or plan to have a one night stand.. she didn’t wear revealing clothes.. she in fact knew the person well.. it was someone she trusted.. Even in that situation the struggle of could I have done something different… was this my fault… still crosses her mind. So be careful because whether you believe that is true for every situation or not.. you never know who is listening and struggling with the shame and disappointment that it could possibly have been their fault.